Ugh. After a year or so of doing next to nothing, and mostly avoiding doctors, things got a whole lot worse! And there I was, getting somewhere with two jobs that I loved, plus my little business-for a couple of months anyway. I foolishly took the advice of my latest and so so soon to be fired family nurse practitioner. The maven of medical knowledge claimed that since my latest spinal x-ray was "normal", and that since I felt OK and could function with the minimal pain that I endured, I could resume all normal activities. Oh ho and boy did I. This resulted in the creeping and vicious return of the bilateral sciatica although with slightly different sensations. Now I have some rude little fasciculations to spice things up, and some really horrid shooting burning pain and occasional strange tingling around some very unmentionable areas as well as plumb down into my toes on both sides. The great part is that this pain fluctuates according to my foolishness levels. Well, heck. There went one job. I thought it best to gracefully resign since I could no longer perform without yelping spontaneously and squatting repeatedly is off my menu..until I get this curse lifted. I am praying for surgery. Yes, I think I want it. I finally got a referral to a specialist that has analyzed my symptoms and ordered some definitive tests. I'm both horrified and excited. Just because a GP or NP can't find the problem does not at all mean it isn't there. I do have faith in science and imaging. First comes the horrifying EMG, then I have to dance around with insurance to get some flexion extension x rays in order to determine or rule out spondylolithesis, and after that comes the long awaited MRI. I have every intention of sneering at that NP as I fire her with smug satisfaction. No, it won't cure my bod, but it will give me great peace of mind. Yes, I'm dealing with the pain without a bunch of pills and it sucks. I try my best not to aggravate it. I DO NOT SIT for longer than 15 minutes max for only unavoidable situations. I DO NOT BEND FORWARD. Nope, not me, no way. Unless I foolishly forget and then oh how I pay! There went the garden. Anything low to the ground had best be harvested by the insects or small animals. A fine fat coon raided my little corn patch-or perhaps it was the chipmunks and crows? On the herbal side, desperation led me to kratom. Is it safe? Does it work? Well, I haven't tested it enough to know whether it is safe or not, but-oh yes it works! I have a very low tolerance for anything that affects certain receptors in my brain and allegedly kratom affects the opioid receptors although it is not a narcotic. I discovered that it takes very little to affect my pain in a positive way. I can feel a definite lessening with 1/2 g and not be dizzy or sick and I like that! There have been allegations of liver damage from this herb, so of course I am paranoid and alert to any signs of ill health. I am also eating my milk thistle seeds once a day as a preventative measure. I shall tell the specialist about the experiment I am conducting and perhaps get some liver enzymes checked just in case. The relief is sanity saving, and no-I am not "high". (or at least I hope not and that I would be able to recognise such a state in myself). I really was on my way to madness. I have been hanging on to the one little part time job with the help of a reaching tool, and thank God it's only a 15 minute drive away! Thank God for my wonderful understanding boss that isn't expecting me to operate at warp speed! I do what needs to be done..creatively. I just have to boast about the positive review from the district manager that could find not one fault with my performance. Haha! Yeah, that's me under duress. Too stubborn to totally surrender. Gloat, gloat. I have not been as diligent with my own little business. It can float forever and I truly hate to move about. Just going to the potty can be a total pain in the everywhere that counts for that! Ugh. I know that not everyone has success with surgery but I have talked to several people that have had spinal surgery and have great active lives now. Oooh do I ever want to be one of them! I hope that no bad effects arise from the kratom and I will only take a little when I am to the point of madness. Incidentally, several states have banned it, but it is still legal here. I think it has a place in ones herbal arsenal. I know it has a place in mine for now.
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