Smacking Down Emotional Abuse

What is emotional abuse? Well, here is a fairly good description: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2013/02/20/signs-of-emotional-abuse/. Quite often this form of abuse starts within the family unit and quite often the targets are children. I was raised this way, by those that knew no other way to be. I have forgiven them for such things because they are creatures limited by their own knowledge and experience. But I sure won't ever put up with this again in my life. It took me years to sort out and now that I have I live in happiness every day. Ironically, we are still here with my mother. She has learned how to control herself much better than she used to. This is a couple of short examples of how she once thought to behave: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=402416603115117&set=vb.100000403419541&type=3 https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=402416603115117&set=vb.100000403419541&type=3 She had episodes of behavior that were much much worse than these short video clips when I was a child, and when we came to live with her I was shocked that she continued to act in such ways and that she thought the same old status quo would perpetuate. For a while, it did until I reached my mental breaking point. Not only did I break, I broke in an unexpected way! After I posted her awful behavior to the world among a few other things, it made her realise that she was behaving in a way that was socially unacceptable to the general public, and she really values social acceptability. The shame continues and she refuses to go around her family. Am I sorry for exposing her? Not in the least. I am sorry that she cannot forgive herself. What I did solved a problem. The problem with abuse is that it continues when it is hidden. Why didn't I just run away? We had absolutely no where else to go aside from a rescue mission, that's why. Due to episodes of ill health, I had lost everything I once tried to build and keep, and had absolutely nothing to work with. No health, no job, no money. It was a depressing experience at the time and I most certainly was! So, how did I overcome this? A whole lot of contemplation and cognitive restructuring. First, I learned to separate rational from irrational and fact from opinion. I learned that love does not mean submission to that which is harmful, painful and degrading. I learned to accept, own and fully love myself. I learned not to expect love from those that 'should' love me. Yes, it took 42 years for me to do this thing. Luckily, I did learn these things, so I can teach them to my own children and I do. It is hard for me to believe now that once I actually let someones negative opinions influence my own perspective to such a high degree. Now I laugh at irrational arguments and chortle over ridiculous labels and expectations. With that ability has come the ability to forgive. However, 'forgive' has nothing to do with 'tolerate'. As long as we are here together unreasonable behavior is not allowed and will be firmly and intelligently smacked down when required without resorting to savage physical means. The threat of violence is no tool for compliance here. In fact, it provokes scorn and creative problem solving. Do I love my mother? Yes, I do. She is capable of kindness, she is capable of generosity. She just hasn't overcome her own wounds incurred in her own traumatic upbringing. I understand her completely. I will never give up on her own healing and self growth, nor will I let her festering wounds become our wounds.