Lucky For Me..
(Warning! This could be a disturbing story for anyone that has faced rape or attempted rape) The language in this story is vulgar, although spacefully edited and it is the choice of words employed at the time, because this is one vividly etched memory.
Since I'm sitting here with a nice case of insomnia and a mind spinning on all sorts of things, one of which is our current social perception of rape due to some other information I read, I'll impart a story of my own that happened many years ago when I was much more foolish than I hope I am now.
In another life, 2003:
I had just had my second daughter several months before and was single once again. I was thinking that I missed going out, drinking, dancing, and any number of other pursuits, so I took myself out for a serious night on the town. First, I went ice skating, then I decided on a popular country western type club and proceeded to get a darn serious alcohol buzz on. (yes- bad bad idea-the me in the now says!) I was having what I thought was a really great time, dancing with several fellows and several groups of people and then a man came up to me that I had seen several times working at a convenience store near my dwelling. I recalled that he always flirted with me at that store, even when I was whale sized in the 9th month! Well, I danced with him too and pounded several drinks he bought for me. Big deal, right? This man said he had had a crush on me for quite some time and I told him I was flattered and thanked him for the drinks. I said I needed to go after a good interval in which I went from booze to no booze(haha-yes-to sober up)despite this guys fervid attention. This guy was like a tick and what was funny was that he thought I was still drinking every drink he bought me, but I was actually just pretending to take a good swig and then conveniently sitting them down on various tables I passed to the gratitude and astonishment of other patrons. He kept buying, even though I said I was done! He was totally getting on my nerves at that point, trying to be too touchy feely and I decided to ditch him another way so I went to the bathroom, waited a bit, and then headed for the exit. I thought I slipped away, but he followed me out to the club parking lot. He caught up with me, asked if I wanted a ride home and I said no, I was able to manage just fine. Unbeknownst to him, my daughter's dad was a major alcoholic. Prior to my pregnancy, I was accustomed to putting away enough booze to kill a regular occasionally drinking type of girl my age and I also knew when I reached my able to see straight limit. This man chose to misjudge my situation and crowded me up against a car, demanding that I kiss him, claiming that he knew I wanted to and that we were going to f---. Was I scared? You bet! He was a heck of a lot taller and stronger than me! I squeezed my hand up between us as I fended off the unwanted slobber coming at me and said:"So here is where it gets ugly! You want to force yourself on me and excuse it by claiming I want it! Did I say I wanted to f--- you?" He said "You'll like it baby, I'm good" and proceeded to try to plant another slobber slop on me whilst pressing me back against the car. There wasn't another soul in that lot! Craps was I ever in trouble! I was fending his other tentacle off of the fly of my jeans! I kept fending off his tentacles, trying to weasel some space to get away, looking for any d--- body else-and I shouted "I am NOT agreeing to this! You can beat the crap out of me right now, I'm going to fight back as d--- hard as I can, someone may or may not see what happens, and you can feel like a really great guy if you want to, but you aren't being one!" "Aw don't be like that! No body's out here!" he said "I told you I like you, and I am a nice guy! Just relax and enjoy this!" "Nice guys don't turn No into Yes!" I shouted(As I worked to jam my knee into his crotch and start biting anything available)"I'm not trying to get you to do anything you don't want to do" he said. Still worming around and fending tentacles, trying to get my knee in good position(stepping on his boot encased feet was no good, he seemed not to feel me raking his legs as viciously as I could)I shouted "Did I tell you to f--- me? Did I? Does it feel like I want you? It'll be like you're f---ing a dead body if you keep on! Matter of fact, you might be! Do you like f---ing dead bodies?" "Well, I bought you all those drinks" he said, while he looked around to see if anyone might be coming. (Headlights-coming our way-still too far away!) (keep worming, keep working on an opening my mind is saying) I shouted "Oh, so you think I'm a cheap w@!!! So you bought me? Is that what you were doing? I am not a w@!!! I never offered to sell you a f--- for drinks! And you want to f--- a dead body! Because that's what you'll be doing! You are the opposite of a nice guy!"(I'm still worming, struggling to get my knee to his gonads good and hard) "I'm not trying to kill you!" he said. Amazingly-he backed off a few inches! (Knee in position to be effective!D---, now he's really trying to pin my arms!) He was looking a bit confused too.Yay!I almost had enough room to do something! And then.. voices-finally! Someone else was leaving too! When he heard them as well and saw that they were heading toward us(Oh thank you God!) he totally stepped back, took his paws off me, and I quickly ran like a scalded cat to my car, jumped in and drove away. Whew! What a freaking creep! I was really lucky. Many women are not lucky. Not every rapist wants or cares to keep the illusion that he is the 'good' guy and that the girl he is forcing is (in his mind) willing. Fortunately, it was important to this criminal that his illusion stay intact, and it made him hesitate just long enough. He wanted to do a combination force and talk, and I wasn't going along with the game. I was supposed to be so drunk and intimidated that I just submitted, agreeing to his illusion. Psychology, mouthiness and fate(or God) in the form of strangers worked in my favor. Any male/female that turns No into Yes is a rapist. It doesn't matter whether the girl/boy in question has or has not been drinking. Regardless of the situation-NO never becomes YES to a true and decent man/woman! Some may say that I 'asked' for it-by dancing with the man, and accepting the drinks he bought, or by simply being where I was in the first place. Is simple politeness a justification for rape? Really? No sane rational well mannered human being would think so! A woman/man should be just as safe going out solo for entertainment as a man/woman would be. I was of legal age, and had every right to go and do as I did. The only thing wrong that I did was not have a gun on my person with which to shoot the creep in the cod or a knife handy to stab him in the same. Or..maybe a taser? Anyway and oddly enough to say-this is another thing I am thankful for: This creep didn't get to finish his mission, and I didn't kill a lowlife loser(or die trying).
Thinking further, I realised this writing needed amendment because it is not only women that face these unpleasant situations! Males deal with it too, and attackers can be females. So, hence the / in the closing outburst.
(Warning! This could be a disturbing story for anyone that has faced rape or attempted rape) The language in this story is vulgar, although spacefully edited and it is the choice of words employed at the time, because this is one vividly etched memory.
Since I'm sitting here with a nice case of insomnia and a mind spinning on all sorts of things, one of which is our current social perception of rape due to some other information I read, I'll impart a story of my own that happened many years ago when I was much more foolish than I hope I am now.
In another life, 2003:
I had just had my second daughter several months before and was single once again. I was thinking that I missed going out, drinking, dancing, and any number of other pursuits, so I took myself out for a serious night on the town. First, I went ice skating, then I decided on a popular country western type club and proceeded to get a darn serious alcohol buzz on. (yes- bad bad idea-the me in the now says!) I was having what I thought was a really great time, dancing with several fellows and several groups of people and then a man came up to me that I had seen several times working at a convenience store near my dwelling. I recalled that he always flirted with me at that store, even when I was whale sized in the 9th month! Well, I danced with him too and pounded several drinks he bought for me. Big deal, right? This man said he had had a crush on me for quite some time and I told him I was flattered and thanked him for the drinks. I said I needed to go after a good interval in which I went from booze to no booze(haha-yes-to sober up)despite this guys fervid attention. This guy was like a tick and what was funny was that he thought I was still drinking every drink he bought me, but I was actually just pretending to take a good swig and then conveniently sitting them down on various tables I passed to the gratitude and astonishment of other patrons. He kept buying, even though I said I was done! He was totally getting on my nerves at that point, trying to be too touchy feely and I decided to ditch him another way so I went to the bathroom, waited a bit, and then headed for the exit. I thought I slipped away, but he followed me out to the club parking lot. He caught up with me, asked if I wanted a ride home and I said no, I was able to manage just fine. Unbeknownst to him, my daughter's dad was a major alcoholic. Prior to my pregnancy, I was accustomed to putting away enough booze to kill a regular occasionally drinking type of girl my age and I also knew when I reached my able to see straight limit. This man chose to misjudge my situation and crowded me up against a car, demanding that I kiss him, claiming that he knew I wanted to and that we were going to f---. Was I scared? You bet! He was a heck of a lot taller and stronger than me! I squeezed my hand up between us as I fended off the unwanted slobber coming at me and said:"So here is where it gets ugly! You want to force yourself on me and excuse it by claiming I want it! Did I say I wanted to f--- you?" He said "You'll like it baby, I'm good" and proceeded to try to plant another slobber slop on me whilst pressing me back against the car. There wasn't another soul in that lot! Craps was I ever in trouble! I was fending his other tentacle off of the fly of my jeans! I kept fending off his tentacles, trying to weasel some space to get away, looking for any d--- body else-and I shouted "I am NOT agreeing to this! You can beat the crap out of me right now, I'm going to fight back as d--- hard as I can, someone may or may not see what happens, and you can feel like a really great guy if you want to, but you aren't being one!" "Aw don't be like that! No body's out here!" he said "I told you I like you, and I am a nice guy! Just relax and enjoy this!" "Nice guys don't turn No into Yes!" I shouted(As I worked to jam my knee into his crotch and start biting anything available)"I'm not trying to get you to do anything you don't want to do" he said. Still worming around and fending tentacles, trying to get my knee in good position(stepping on his boot encased feet was no good, he seemed not to feel me raking his legs as viciously as I could)I shouted "Did I tell you to f--- me? Did I? Does it feel like I want you? It'll be like you're f---ing a dead body if you keep on! Matter of fact, you might be! Do you like f---ing dead bodies?" "Well, I bought you all those drinks" he said, while he looked around to see if anyone might be coming. (Headlights-coming our way-still too far away!) (keep worming, keep working on an opening my mind is saying) I shouted "Oh, so you think I'm a cheap w@!!! So you bought me? Is that what you were doing? I am not a w@!!! I never offered to sell you a f--- for drinks! And you want to f--- a dead body! Because that's what you'll be doing! You are the opposite of a nice guy!"(I'm still worming, struggling to get my knee to his gonads good and hard) "I'm not trying to kill you!" he said. Amazingly-he backed off a few inches! (Knee in position to be effective!D---, now he's really trying to pin my arms!) He was looking a bit confused too.Yay!I almost had enough room to do something! And then.. voices-finally! Someone else was leaving too! When he heard them as well and saw that they were heading toward us(Oh thank you God!) he totally stepped back, took his paws off me, and I quickly ran like a scalded cat to my car, jumped in and drove away. Whew! What a freaking creep! I was really lucky. Many women are not lucky. Not every rapist wants or cares to keep the illusion that he is the 'good' guy and that the girl he is forcing is (in his mind) willing. Fortunately, it was important to this criminal that his illusion stay intact, and it made him hesitate just long enough. He wanted to do a combination force and talk, and I wasn't going along with the game. I was supposed to be so drunk and intimidated that I just submitted, agreeing to his illusion. Psychology, mouthiness and fate(or God) in the form of strangers worked in my favor. Any male/female that turns No into Yes is a rapist. It doesn't matter whether the girl/boy in question has or has not been drinking. Regardless of the situation-NO never becomes YES to a true and decent man/woman! Some may say that I 'asked' for it-by dancing with the man, and accepting the drinks he bought, or by simply being where I was in the first place. Is simple politeness a justification for rape? Really? No sane rational well mannered human being would think so! A woman/man should be just as safe going out solo for entertainment as a man/woman would be. I was of legal age, and had every right to go and do as I did. The only thing wrong that I did was not have a gun on my person with which to shoot the creep in the cod or a knife handy to stab him in the same. Or..maybe a taser? Anyway and oddly enough to say-this is another thing I am thankful for: This creep didn't get to finish his mission, and I didn't kill a lowlife loser(or die trying).
Thinking further, I realised this writing needed amendment because it is not only women that face these unpleasant situations! Males deal with it too, and attackers can be females. So, hence the / in the closing outburst.
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