How long has this been going on? I don't really want to answer that question, because to keep track of the torment is too much of an acknowledgement. So, I live within the framework of limitation, trying not to be consumed by foul temper and frustration. The flu didn't help either, and I am so grateful that at least that misery is passing. I got so desperate with a headache from that wretched disease that I broke down and ingested acetaminophen for two days and then put up with a rather itchy bit of rash which is receding. At least it didn't itch every darn where. The dreadful backache decided to include a burning left hip and horrid butt ache that went down the back of my leg for Christmas-No no no sitting for me! I'm working on ignoring the peculiar falling asleep sensation in the bottom outer part of my foot too. Time, patience, avoiding certain things-these will eventually pay off and this will recede. I have been lucky before, and I will be again. Yes, it is getting better, and I can live with eating while standing, and writing while lying down. Oh I can't wait to try a memory foam mattress topper for this bruiser of a bed! Wouldn't I just love for the doctor to put a name to this curse? You bet. To name a thing is to set limits, have power, maybe some control. Will I settle for another x-ray, or more physical therapy, perhaps some wretched pharmaceutical to slowly kill my liver or mess with my heart , stomach or bowels? Absolutely not. Have I researched this set of symptoms myself? Yes, indeed-to every extent of the permutations of all the possibilities and am I ever tired of it. Do I want to munch Ativan for a bedtime snack every night? No, and I refuse. I have more faith in the imminent memory foam. I can last, and I darn sure am not staying in this bed 24/7. The only way I can do a bit of that is if I have a good book to read. The latest was The Tiger's Wife by Tea Obreht and the story was sad and captivating. My book budget is non existent this soon after Christmas, so I'm plundering my mother's stash from the bargain book store. I could do e-books but I just love the look and feel of a paper back. I can take those into the tub for a soak with me(provided I don't drop them into the bath, but even so the results are much less disastrous than would be the case with an electronic device). I have devoured several other books this past week, but don't feel like listing them. They were of the suspense murder mystery spy novel sort-satisfying escapes but definitely not as deep as The Tiger's Wife. Tomorrow, I get to satiate my soap making lust. It's an ideal activity, since I won't have to sit down to do it, can walk around while I'm making it, moving but not too much. I would have given in to the soap lust much sooner had it not been for the energy sapping influenza. I will definitely not put off next seasons flu vaccine! There are things I absolutely won't do-like sit or bend over(which is a drag when there is clutter on the floor wanting attention), but it's the will do-s that count, and I choose the things that I enjoy before the things that seem required. I did finally clean the grody bathroom today-in a careful manner-the tub was especially tricky since the bending over thing is out until God knows when. The children were largely indifferent to the splatters festooning the toilet rim and the ring around the tub, but it was driving me to cussing fits when I had to go use it and that's the only reason I cleaned it. Who wants to use up the feeling halfway like a functional human times on drudgery? Not I, and I have made it a rule never to do so. I think it is a great rule to live by. If one has a limited repertoire of positions that are relatively pain free, utilize them in pleasurable activities first and foremost. This is how I cope. The only way I can cope. I may have to force myself to sit in order to drive to the grocery store to buy food so that we don't starve-well, O.K.-and by golly I'll treat myself with fancy teas and chocolates for getting there too. Then, I'm resting, using the sander/homemade massage device, the heating pad, the Biofreeze, reading a good book-and eating those chocolates.
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