That I could be fixed! As we know, I have been desperately seeking information, answers, and a cure for my bad back. On this pain riddled quest, I put in for as many reasonably attainable mri reads and consultations regardless of where in the universe the doctors doing so might be. Today, I got the most logical (to me) information so far and I am SO excited! Unfortunately, this wonderful seeming and extremely competent cutting edge orthopedic surgeon may be beyond my financial reach. Oh yeah, I never mention in my quest that I am pretty much a pauper. Will I ever gain the power of arse sitting again? Or the power to wear shoes with laces? I know one thing: I am going to fight like mad for this hopeful minimally invasive surgery to remove the offending disc materials, bone spurs and whatnots that have been causing terrible torture for SO long. I went for a little suburban mini hike with my daughter today in search of a possibly abandoned dog that we spotted by a busy roadside on our way to school and I am paying miserably for such a tiny bit of ditch negotiation and berm climbing. If it wasn't for kratom, I suspect that I would seriously be considering showering while blow drying my hair, hoping for some terminal electrocution. I strongly suspect that different medical care rules apply to the financially finite, regardless of what one's HMO proclaims to the contrary. I can't see myself living on pain management until my youngest daughter reaches adulthood, yet I can't see myself making it for 9 more years the way I am. I must make every effort to hang around for at least this long and do the best mother job I possibly can do. I'm glad my daughter's friends live close by, because I'm the Mom with the 15 minute driving radius limit. I miss being the Mom that skated at the skating rink with her daughters, installed her own plumbing, finished her sheetrock, painted her own house, trained her horses, built her own furniture, changed any flat tires, grilled out every weekend, planted her sublime gardens, and finished her wood floors. I have tried to make peace with this half life, and I still have many things I can do and enjoy. Funny, until December 2013, I never had time for Netflix. Now marathoning a good series is one of the highlights of life. Well, it beats staring at the ceiling while I recline in the least painful position for however many hours of days it takes for pain to hopefully subside, and I can share the joys with any family members that might also like the show. We are so spoiled. We can share the same space and each watch or do our own things on our own computers. No one has to agree to another's entertainment whim of the moment. In 1997, I didn't even own a television! Actually, I don't own one now either, but my daughters have them and my mother has a big one in her special room for it. My precious laptop serves entertainment, education and communication needs. I don't know how I ever managed without one! Cable T.V. is full of drivel, but with the indispensible WIFI, I can pick and choose my news and diversions. Such luxury! I could go without a refrigerator before I could go without my computer and internet. However, to do without both would make existence intolerable. I'm too old for that sort of abuse now. I think though, that I would gladly trade the computer and WIFI for a fully functional pain free existence. Heck, I'd even throw in the fridge and the indoor plumbing.
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