Disillusioned Again

I really despise less than straight communication, and apparently that is just what I received at the new doctor's office. I had such high hopes. I thought that I was on my way to an orthopedic spine specialist because it seemd that the new nurse practitioner was amenable to the idea and seemed to respect my loathing of pain management. How totally wrong I was. She listened to me, said she would make the referral, and then she did nothing. Nothing at all. I expected to hear form the orthopedic office and didn't, so I called the primary care office and found out how I had been mislead. Why? I have no idea. I am pissed off. Terribly confrontationally pissed off. Maybe I wasn't differential enough. This lady flat out told me that there was no cure for my ailment at which point I fired back with tales I had gathered of people that had had successful surgeries for herniated discs, etc. Maybe I should have meekly bowed my head and said aw shucks. Well, blazing bloody h-ll! If it was a wart I would, but it's my life and full range of capacity that I want back if at all possible. It's the possibility of not being in some degree of pain 24/7 that keeps me going. It's the dream of sitting through a full length feature at the IMAX that keeps me wanting. If a true specialist of the structure and function of the spine says that I must find a way to accept life as it is now as life forever, then I'll do just that, and commence planning my exit strategy for when the children are all raised. Yeah, I sure won't keep sticking around after the essentials have been done if I have to keep enduring this way and that is just a bald fact. Do we not euthanise our pets when they are suffering with no hope of enjoying a normal life and when nothing more can be done for them? Just so. Why then, should I not have the same mercy? Well, that's my current reasoning, but who knows what tomorrow will bring?
Hmm. I was told that the new primary care nurse whatever and office in general didn't treat my sort of condition. Well, duh. I wasn't expecting it to happen there. After all, they aren't specialised in this area. What I did expect was for them to pass it on to someone that was qualified. Why did this person just not flat out tell me that I would have to kiss every arse in the place repeatedly and fervently if I ever wanted to be sent somewhere else that could actually treat and potentially cure me? It seems that this is what it amounts to, and I have a real problem with kissing arses. It just doesn't happen. So, of course I'm going to devil them all with probing questions and demands for justification of any sort of thing any one of them thinks to do with regards to my health and well being from co pay charges to an itemised list of everything to be tested in any blood drawing and anything/everything else-whether it's a blood pressure measurement or a weight check. Yes, yes I will. I know this won't get me where I need to be, but I just can't back down and meekly accept the decisions of others simply because they happen to be in positions suggestive of some level of competence backed by credentials of formal education. I have seen too much incompetence that resulted in harm for me to ever be meek and accepting.